There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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