East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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