Will you blow on my dice?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
