just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
