I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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