Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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