a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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