My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
