You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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