I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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