At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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