I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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