there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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