it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
