morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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