Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
