we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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