cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
tell me about the eggs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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