id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
