Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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