And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
