Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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