I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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