I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
