I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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