At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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