I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
