I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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