I accidentally had phone sex last night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
