So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
