just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
