he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
