mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
