Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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