Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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