vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
