Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
