anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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