maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
