so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
