pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
