Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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