I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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