a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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