I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
