so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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