just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
