So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
