I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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