That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
