He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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