You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
