i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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