we have officially lost it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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