I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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