Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
