Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
