Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
