Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
