if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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