so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
