Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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