Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
