I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
