Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
