threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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