You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
