Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
